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Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Crazy Fan Theories, Part 1: Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 4: "Book of the Stranger"

So remember when I wrote this post, about how I was really not into Game of Thrones Season 1?  I was waltzing along, bored out of my skull at the endless talking and limp wangs of the show, while you seasoned veterans were likely going, "Oh, Equinox, you sad, sad fool."

Well, to everyone's relief, that's changed since then.

I did indeed make it past episode 6 of GoT Season 1, and in fact I made it through most of Seasons 1, 2, 3, & 4 within only a month or so of each other.  I love this show.  I in fact worship this show like Robert Baratheon worshipped the ground Lyanna Stark walked on.

Too soon?

(This is about the time I point out
since I am 100% up to date on GoT... ) 

In the past few weeks, we’ve seen Bran’s storyline finally get interesting.  I mean seriously – episodes on end of him being “OMG I can warg into Hodor!” and he’s not even doing it to get laid? Boring. 

At the end of season 4, when he finally reached the cave with the 3-eyed raven, some serious shit went down: the battle with the wights, Jojen’s death, and the super-creepy girl who is one of the Children, the original inhabitants of Westeros.  All of a sudden, Bran’s story was fascinating. 

Then he vanished for the entirety of Season 5.  Wtf, guys??



But now that he’s back, his storyline is kind of my favorite.  I mean, watching Tyrion manipulate basically everyone into doing whatever he wants is always entertaining, and the scene where he makes awkward small talk with Grey Worm and Missandei is one of the most painfully brilliant conversations out there.  And of course there’s Jon Snow’s resurrection, which Kit Harington himself ruined for me –




But I can forgive him since it means Jon Snow LIVES.

So other than them, watching Bran scramble around in the past is my favorite.  I’ve always liked flashbacks for their power to show what’s only ever been hinted at, and boy, did that play out in Season 6, Episode 4: Book of the Stranger.     

Bran heads back years, to the moment when Ned Stark defeats Sir Arthur Dayne to rescue his sister, Lyanna, from the tower where Prince Rhaegar has been keeping her prisoner.  The scene ends before Ned, who looks like he’s about 20-25, enters the tower, thus preventing Bran from seeing what he found inside.  The 3-eyed raven says that “that’s enough” for now, but it’s clear that Bran has some suspicions about what Ned found. 

And I do too. 

Rhaegar Targaryen is the son of the Mad King.  In kidnapping Lyanna Stark, we can only assume that he likely raped and tortured her before her death.  We have no idea how she died – though perhaps Bran will find out eventually – only that she’s dead, and her kidnapping inspired Robert Baratheon’s War of the Usurper, the event that ultimately set off everything else currently happening in Westeros.

Here’s the thing: We know Lyanna Stark died in her brother Ned’s arms. What if this tower is where that happened? And what if, assuming Rhaegar did indeed rape her, she was pregnant?  Let’s go further and assume that her baby survived, even if she did not – she could have died in childbirth, or Ned could have found her near death and saved her baby, we don’t know. 

Right now, Daenerys Targaryen is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne as the only surviving child of Aerys II, the Mad King.  But according to most inheritance laws, that right passes through firstborn blood rights; if Prince Rhaegar was the heir, his eldest child would be the next heir, and so on through his bloodline.  His younger siblings are only in line for the throne if his children die.  Now, all Rhaegar’s children by his wife Elia Martell were slaughtered by Sir Gregor Clegane, the Mountain, during the Sack of King’s Landing by the Lannister army at the end of Robert’s Rebellion.   Thus, Rhaeger’s line ended, and his younger siblings by rights inherit the throne, even if Baratheon did usurp it somewhat successfully. 

BUT: if Lyanna Stark had a baby, it would likely be the child of Rhaegar Targaryen, meaning that child would replace Daenerys as the Targaryen heir. 

Jon Snow, former Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and assumed bastard of Ned Stark, is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne.



I realize this is not exactly a new theory.  However, a lot of what I’ve read is circumstantial: Jon Snow walking into the room as Aemon Targaryen says something about his family being alone in the world, the mirroring of public executions and rises to power between Snow and Dany, Melisandre only trying to seduce men who have a claim to the throne.  Those are all lovely little breadcrumbs dropped throughout the show, but they are also easily explained away as coincidence. 

One clue is not, and that’s where I want to start: the comment Stannis Baratheon makes about Ned Stark not being the kind of guy to cheat on his wife.


Ned Stark, for all intents and purposes, has never been anything but loyal to his wife Catelyn, other than one tiny indiscretion that produced his bastard son Jon Snow.  He brought this baby home from the war and asked his wife to raise him without any comment about his mother.  Catelyn has always been conflicted about Jon Snow – she trusts her husband, but Jon is also only slightly younger that Robb Stark, meaning Ned would have had to cheat on her basically at the same time as they conceived his firstborn son.  The timelines are a little too close to make sense that he conceived a child with someone else while away at war. 

Then, of course, there’s the conversation by the river.  First, Robert Baratheon asks Ned who Snow’s mother actually is, and Ned, in no position to refuse, tells him her name was Wylla.  If you’ve read the books, you probably know that Wylla is of rather undetermined status: she was a maid and a wet nurse for House Dayne, but we don’t know if she’s still alive nor is there any evidence that she and Ned actually knew each other. 

[Another possibility is Ashara Dayne, who killed herself over the death of her brother at Ned’s hands.  I don’t put much stock in this theory, even though Catelyn Stark was commanded never to mention her name by Ned himself at one point. Personally, I think this is all Ned just trying to keep Jon’s existence on the downlow, because if the Great Houses of Westeros figured out his true parentage, he is in grave danger.] 

Don’t forget when Ned Stark pulls Jon Snow aside to talk about his mother. That conversation never happens – Ned starts it, but they are interrupted, and then separated, and then Ned is beheaded by Joffrey Baratheon for treason before they are ever reunited.  The secret of Jon Snow’s mother dies with him, presumably. 

This is already super suspicious, and we aren’t even out of Season 1 (and book 1). 

#varysuspicious
Then I’m going to skip ahead – my knowledge of Season 2-4 is a little shaky since I haven’t seen them in over a year, and I read the books in 2011.  But considering that all the really important stuff to support my theory shows up in Seasons 5 & 6, I’m okay with it.  Maybe I’ll re-watch them and expand this until it’s long and obnoxious and completely irrefutable. 

So at the end of Season 5, Jon Snow is murdered. 

This caused basically everyone who’ve been rooting for him to throw up their hands in disgust and claim that they are never watching Game of Thrones again. 

They are all lying. 

Season 6 starts with Snow’s body, cold and bloody, being dragged inside Castle Black by his supporters.  Davos and Melisandre conspire to attempt to bring him back to life, though Melisandre needs some serious convincing.  Her entire life, her entire religion, have been based on what she sees in the flames, and with Stannis’ and Jon Snow’s deaths, everything she thought was true has been lost. 

After all, she saw Jon Snow alive and fighting at the coming Battle of Winterfell, and how can that be possible if he’s dead? 

But with some convincing, she performs a rite to bring Jon Snow back (including cutting his hair so it’s the right length for Kit Harington, who cut his hair immediately after Snow was stabbed to further the illusion that he was, in fact, dead.  Since everyone knows Harington’s hair is under contract (check out this video if you don't believe me) with HBO, everyone lost their shit – if his hair was gone, then so was Jon Snow.  Clever.) 

Anyway, it works – Episode 2 ends with Jon Snow’s dramatic revival, and Episode 3 opens with him waking up to finger his own stab wounds and wonder what the fuck happened, exactly.  Melisandre asks him what he saw, reacting poorly when Jon tells her that “it was only darkness” before Davos ushers her out. 

The fact that Jon Snow lives is not, in and of itself, proof that he is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen.  

But it is promising. 

Who knows? Maybe he is just as surprised as we are. 
Think further: The books constantly reference just how much Jon Snow looks like Ned, which would seem to be evidence in favor of Ned’s adultery as opposed to a child of a Targaryen.  Their House is known for their long silvery hair, achieved by intermarrying their siblings and something Jon obviously lacks.  But think carefully: That doesn’t mean Ned’s his father.  We already watched Ned follow dark hair as a dominant gene in Season 1 in order to determine Joffrey’s true parentage, so we can extrapolate that if Rhaegar Targaryen fathered a child on someone with dark hair, her genes would win out.

And Lyanna is a Stark, after all.  All the Starks have dark hair except Sansa, who clearly resembles her mother Catelyn.  Otherwise, it’s nothing but dark hair as far as the eye can see. She and Ned are both children of Rickard Stark; perhaps Jon looks like his grandfather and no one quite realizes it. 
Except Ned, of course. 

Ned’s constant visits to his sister’s grave (as evidenced by Sansa’s memories throughout the show) also support that Jon Snow is his nephew, as he would want to honor Lyanna’s memory by raising her son well.  And as tension in Westeros rose, he would also want a reminder of who he was protecting, and why, in keeping Jon’s parentage a secret.  He does mention to Jon that they may not share a name, but they share blood.  He’s not lying; he’s just not telling the whole truth either. 

That’s a massive pile of Stark-related evidence that Jon Snow is in fact the child of Lyanna and Rhaegar Targaryen, and by extension the heir to the throne. 

What about everything else?


The clues here lie in the words of House Targaryen: “Fire and Blood.” 

Daenerys Targaryen has built her reputation on being The Unburnt, including her dramatic emergence from the Temple of the Dosh Kahleen at the end of Episode 4.  This suggests, at least on some level, that she’s immune to fire.  If you can’t buy into that, then hopefully we can at least concede that she has a unique relationship with fire.
 
There’s no evidence that Dany follows the Lord of Light, but I have no doubt she’d approve of his fire-based message.  She repeatedly uses fire to serve her own purposes: as a way to cleanse herself, as seen in her rebirth as the mother of dragons, or to dispose of her enemies, as seen in her destruction of the misogynistic leaders of the Dothraki, allowing her to (presumably) seize power next episode.

Back in Westeros, Melisandre, a Red Priestess, receives her visions (as well as her power to defy age) from the flames.  She’s also pulled prominent leaders into the Lord of Light’s influence, most obviously Stannis Baratheon and his wife.  Baratheon adopted the flames into his house sigil, his wife so devout she watched gleefully as her brother, a sinner, was immolated for his adherence to the old faith.  Flame is cleansing, used to preserve the faithful and destroy everyone else.  In addition, flame is how the Lord of Light accepts sacrifice in return for his favor, most notably Shireen Baratheon in Season 5. 

The Lord of Light has power in Westeros, the power of fire and the power of blood. 

And who did the fire god choose to bring back to life?

Jon Snow. 

Blood should have killed him, and fire brought him back. 

The only remaining piece is for him to dramatically survive a fire that should have killed him (which I predict to be how his heritage is finally revealed). 

All hail Jon Snow, the First of his Name, Former Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and the Prince that was Promised, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, and future King of the Seven Kingdoms. 




Friday, April 1, 2016

April Fool's Day

I'm back!

Just kidding,  but it won't be much longer.

In the meantime, enjoy this April Fool's clip from my favorite video game creator!



Thursday, March 10, 2016

Brief Hiatus

Hello, readers!

I will be on a brief hiatus (approximately 6 weeks) while Bishop and I attempt to both buy a house and sell our current one.  Anyone who tells you this isn't that much work is probably a realtor :)

Thanks for your patience, and don't worry -- I'll be back soon with a detailed lesson on "How to Turn Your Super Nerdy House into Something People Might Actually Buy."

- Equinox

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Fanfiction Confliction, Part 2

About six months ago, I gave in.

I'd been fighting it for months, trying hard not to be one of those people.  I gave it my best effort, I really did.

But I was powerless to resist.

I started writing fanfiction.

It started small -- I'm a writer by nature (I bet you couldn't tell! #sarcasm), and I spent most of early 2015 world-building in preparation for a bigger project.  When I started writing fiction for the first time soon after, I realized something: I needed practice.

I hadn't written fiction in probably 6 or 7 years, and while I had lots of nonfiction writing experience, the skills just aren't the same.

This was probably in July.

I started small: a short story, only about 2,000 words, that was a character study of my forever favorite DAI Commander.  That turned out well, if a little serious, so I took on some humor via Alistair in DAO.   And before long, I found that I was enjoying myself immensely in creating these new scenes, new moments, within my characters' lives.

I spent the first 10K words or so laboring under the illusion that I was just practicing styles for my bigger fiction writing projects, telling myself that as soon as I finished the next story, I was putting fanfiction away and moving on with my own work.

That didn't happen.  Instead suddenly I found myself so immersed in Bioware's Dragon Age sandbox that I couldn't get back out -- and I didn't want to.  I loved my Inquisitor, and I loved the story I was creating inside DAI:  the relationships I was growing, the conflicts I'd created, and exploring the themes of the game and its story in such depth and detail.

So now, when I'm writing this, I'm finally accepting that I'm a fanfiction writer.  It took a long time, and many thousands of words before I was willing to add that to my list of accomplishments on this particular blog -- about two weeks ago, I officially broke 100K words, and this is the first mention I've made of my fanfic hobby to anyone other than my husband.

But I'm ready.

(That's not totally true; I'm still a little hesitant.  But honestly, that's not because I'm ashamed of my work, but because my mom reads this blog sometimes and frankly, several of my stories are quite Not Safe for Work.  At all.  Like, explicitly NSFW.  Adult content ahead.  You've been warned.

Mom, if you're reading this, please skip all the ones rated "E" :-/

Anyway.)

Below, you'll find a link to my work, all of which is posted through Archive of Our Own.  I know there are other, bigger, fanfic sites out there, but AO3 is my favorite, and I'm proud to be part of their community.

Without further ado, and in the spirit of celebrating International Fanworks Day today, I give you: Once More to the Breach, my Shakespeare-allusion-titled series about Dragon Age: Inquisition.
Please enjoy, and thanks for reading!!


Thursday, December 31, 2015

A Very Nerdy Christmas

Bishop and I had a very nerdy Christmas this year.

Some years, we don't -- sometimes my mother decides that whatever is on our wishlists is unacceptable for her to purchase and buys me things like a vaccuum cleaner in the futile quest to domesticate me.  Sometimes Bishop's mother buys me all clothes and teaching books and odd-smelling things from Bath and Body Works.  Once upon a time, Bishop bought me jewelry, and I bought him guitar equipment.  

Not this year.  This year, we had a nerd-Christmas, and it was glorious.

Christmas is a weird time in our household.  I'm not a big fan of the holidays, as in my house growing up, holidays meant stress.  They still do, and since Bishop is super nostalgic about all the Hallmark-Christmases he experienced growing up, he is never open to my suggestions that we spend Christmas somewhere with a beach.  I decorate anyway, as I know he loves it, and in moments of quiet, when neither of my parents has called in a few hours and I have yet to hear what fresh hell Bishop's cousins have dreamed up for us to attend, I rather enjoy the look of our Big Bang Theory Soft Kitty and pixelated Nintendo stockings hung above the fireplace.  But most of Christmas is very much 'meh' to me.

Gift-giving and receiving also take on a very unusual feeling, which contributes.  Sometimes I have to restrain from buying really awesome gifts because the receiver would not have a clue what I was giving them, like the time I found Stark Industries t-shirts and had to restrain myself from buying one for my engineer-sister-in-law.  She might be an engineer, but she definitely doesn't know who Tony Stark is -- the beauty of the gift would have been lost.  Browsing through ThinkGeek's store is always fun, but when my other sister-in-law only ever asks for cookbooks or running gear, the fun trickles away.  Instead, it becomes another exercise on Amazon, and the appeal is lost.

Receiving gifts gets even weirder.  It takes on a strange cycle of asking for nerd gifts and getting them, which is great, but also getting made fun of for asking for them in the first place.  The year I put Mass Effect RISK on my wish list, my brother bought it for me without question.  Upon opening this gift, however, I endured piles of teasing that I wanted a video game-themed board game coupled with discussions of just how ridiculous it is that board games are even MADE with video game themes.  The irony of him making fun of me wanting a gift he'd just purchased was lost.  (Although frankly, this all wasn't that bad because I'd mostly tuned out the teasing, being too excited to read about how I got to play as the Reapers in ME RISK.)

But this year, a lot of that mess was conveniently absent.

I don't mean the stress -- what are the holidays without parents fighting over who we spend time with??  And I don't meant buying gifts for non-nerds, as that is a cross I will bear forever.

Instead, this year a lot of the accompanying judgment of Christmas was what was absent, and I have to say, I rather enjoyed it.

This year, I got artwork and video games and books for Christmas.  Bishop got computer equipment and video games and D&D books.  I got to give a Han Solo in Carbonite shower curtain to my dad, a Rubik's cube to my brother, and something called a Life Straw to my sister-in-law, who was excited that she could (if she wanted, the why of which fails me) drink from the Potomac safely if she so desires.  Bishop took care of all the non-nerd gifts in his family, where I got to buy Dragon Age: Origins for my older brother, movie tickets to The Force Awakens for my other brother and his family, and got Star Wars ugly Christmas sweaters in return.  We watched bad sci-fi movies in the evening and made fun of all the cliches a la Mystery Science Theatre, and the next day I got to snuggle up in my Nightmare Before Christmas sweater and play the Firefly Board Game.

The Nerd was strong in my family this year, and though I can't fathom what changed between this year and last, I could not have been happier.  

I don't know what was different this year -- maybe our families have finally accepted who we are, or maybe Star Wars back on the big screen has inspired people to be nicer, less judgmental, about nerds. I shouldn't question my good fortune, and even though I know it's selfish to hope the theme holds for 2016, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

A Very Nerdy Christmas, indeed.  

Friday, December 18, 2015

The Star Wars Experience

Until very recently (as in, about three days ago), I was not a Star Wars fan. 

I bought tickets for the midnight release of The Force Awakens, don’t get me wrong – I am still a nerd after all, and I can appreciate what Star Wars has done for a plethora of art forms and genres, including science fiction, film-making and CGI, and nerd-dom in general. 

But I’ve never been that big of a fan.  Bishop, however, is a HUGE fan, no surprise there.  So in preparation for The Force Awakens, we decided to watch the original trilogy on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday before we ventured into true nerd-vana for JJ Abrams’ love letter to the series. 

What follows is the account of my adventures.  (Spoiler Alert: If you’ve never seen the original trilogy, this will definitely spoil some things.  I have not yet seen Force Awakens when writing this, so no worries there.) 


Star Wars: A New Hope
Opening Credits
  • Boy, the writing in these opening lines does nothing to remove my perception that the writing in these movies sucks. 

The droids get dumped on Tatooine, R2 heading off in one random direction and C3PO cussing at him under his breath
  • Hang on… if Anakin built C3PO in the prequels, wouldn’t he recognize the planet?  
  • Bishop: Yes.  The prequels ruined everything.  
  • But Lucas wrote them all, it’s his world! Wouldn’t he go, “huh, that wouldn’t work with the original, so I guess I won’t do that!” 
  • Bishop: NO! He doesn’t rewatch his movies! 
  • WTF??  You don’t get to change things AFTER it’s published!

Jawas pick up the droids and toss them in the holding cell in their giant Sand People ship-thing
  • Omg! One of the other droids is made from a trash can!

Luke looks out over the twin suns setting on Tatooine
  • Oh! This scene is pretty! I’ve seen this before, I think… isn’t Luke looking off into the horizon famous or something?  
  • Bishop: Yeah… this is like one of the most famous scenes in movies, ever.  

Obi-wan saves Luke and the droids from the Tuskan Raiders  
  • Seriously, he growls at them? 
  • Bishop: He’s using noise/the Force to make himself seem bigger! 
  • No babe, he f*cking growled at them. Real cool.

Cantina scene
  • Based on all the homages (like Hellboy 2’s troll market) and spoofs and such, I was expecting the cantina scene to be much more active and crowded-looking.  The reality was a bit of a letdown. 

The age-old Question: Who shot first, Han or Greedo?
  • WAY back when, when I first saw A New Hope (I think I was 19, having somehow missed the first one despite a minor obsession with Empire Strikes Back when I was a kid), I was ADAMANT that Han shot first.  Duh. Greedo is threatening him, and Han’s very much a ‘scoundrel’ who is out for himself.  Makes perfect sense. 
  • This scene came up, and eager to be part of the Star Wars nerd-dom, I went “OH! Han shot first!” Yeah, not anymore – Bishop explained that when Lucas remastered the movies for digital release, he re-did this scene so Greedo shot first, saying that he didn’t want Han to be the kind of guy to shoot someone in cold blood.  Um, hello?? That’s EXACTLY the kind of guy Han was at the beginning of the trilogy.  He had character development, growth! Why destroy that by making a pro-active gunshot into self-defense? That changes Han’s whole tone as a character.  Ugh. Lucas ruined everything. 


Chewy makes some noise and Solo says something very conversational in response
  • OMG! It really is like in HIMYM! “That’s a good point, bear!”

Also: I recently saw this picture:


So now every time Chewy or R2 ‘says’ something, I go “Oh shit! I mean, beep boop!” while watching J

Grand Moff Tarkin and Vader look out over the Death Star as they find prisoners (or something)
  • What do you think the casting call for this guy looked like? “Does your skull show through your face? We want YOU!”

R2 beep-boops at Luke as they put him in the X-wing for the assault on the Death Star
  • How do the humans know what he’s saying? What if Luke’s like “Ready, R2?”  and he’s going “Hey, f*ck you, Luke! I don’t wanna go!” 

Vader vs. Obi-wan on the Death Star as Luke and the gang are trying to escape…
  • Obi-wan just LETS Vader kill him?? WTF! Bishop tried to convince me that this serves some larger purpose, but I so don’t see it. 

ALSO: What’s up with Luke mooning all over Leia throughout this movie?  I mean, really. He so obviously has a crush on her, and Lucas KNOWS they are siblings! Why on earth would you write it like that?   And I’ve heard the argument that it will make the dramatic reveal that they are siblings that much more dramatic, but guess what? It doesn’t.  That whole addition feels like Lucas was bored anyway, so it’s not exactly dramatic on its own.  Add the whole crush-on-the-Princess situation, and it’s just gross. 

The writing… oh the writing.  About twenty minutes from the end, it clicks.  It’s not that Star Wars’ writing is really that bad – it’s that it is absolutely RIFE with clichés.  I’m pretty sure C3PO is the only character that isn’t constantly spouting them, actually. 

Last thoughts: on the ceremony at the end of A New Hope
  • Han’s been dressed like a basic white girl this whole movie, and NOW he decides to button his top button? It’s like he and Luke switched costumes for this scene.  Nonsense.



Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back
In the opening moments, when Luke gets smacked in the face…
  • OMG there’s an abominable snowman in this movie!
    Bishop: it’s a wampa!
  • No, it’s the abominable snowman. A yeti, if we want to get technical.

Yoda and Luke fight over lifting the X-wing out of the swamp, and Luke storms off. 
  • First: I’m already annoyed because I don’t like that Yoda quote about “there is no try.”  That’s such a negative way to look at the world: that if you don’t succeed, you automatically fail.  That’s too black and white! My world (teaching) doesn’t work in black and white like that.  Ugh, Yoda! Stupid puppet. 
  • Second: As soon as I mention that Luke’s being a baby, Bishop gets annoyed because I’ve insulted a great Jedi master and questions, “Don’t you think that you’d be annoyed too? This little tiny guy saying all this stuff about how powerful the Force is and all that, but he never demonstrates it! What if he’s lying?”  and it clicks in place why Bishop used to fight with his teachers all the time. 
  • Third: Yoda lifts the X-wing from the swamp, and I am thoroughly unimpressed.  It would be much more remarkable if he cleaned it after he pulled it out.  Bishop is again annoyed with my opinion, but it can’t be that hard, right? Just a sweep of his hand and poof! Clean! THEN I’d be impressed. 

By the time we get to Han being frozen, I’ve really called Lando Calrissian a douche a lot….

Han Solo frozen in carbonite… what an iconic scene!
  • And what a misogynistic one too! I mean really – Leia puts herself out there, all “I love you” even when Han has been pestering her all movie, and when he’s ABOUT TO DIE, he just goes, “I know.” And that’s the END OF IT?? WTF?!
  • Grumble grumble grumble.
  • AND that’s after Leia is such a great female character too! She’s badass and functional and doesn’t NEED Han to really do anything for her.  But she has to be the traditional woman here, all feelings while the guy is like “yeah, that’s right, love me baby”?? Ugh.

All in all, I have less to say about Empire.  As a kid, I always liked Empire better than Return of the Jedi, and I’m pleased to see that holds true even now.  It’s also much better than A New Hope – the writing is better, and the universe is established, which makes everything a little easier.  Bishop and I kept having to pause and have long conversations about the political atmosphere of the galaxy in the first one because they barely explained anything (and of course, the prequels screwed a lot of it up), but by now, everything has really fallen into place. 

I would also like to point out that it took those political conversations during A New Hope for it to click that Star Wars really is nerdy.  It’s easy to assume that, even though people jump to it as the quintessential nerd obsession, it’s not really that nerdy.  After all, it’s pretty mainstream and tons of people have seen it/are fans of it even if they fit little else of nerd culture. 

And then Bishop and I got sidetracked for a good 15 minutes analyzing how the Republic vs. the Empire functions and how Palpatine/Sidious rose to power and all that, and I went, “I bet few non-nerds are talking about Star Wars on this level.” 

I’m now convinced: Star Wars truly is nerdy, regardless of persuasion. 
Anyway, on to Return of the Jedi!


Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
It sure didn’t take long for this movie to get weird…

The droids drop onto Tatooine (for what has to be like the 10th time in C3PO’s life, though he seems just as confused as always) and head to Jabba’s palace…
  • And immediately… why the fuck is Bib Fortuna molesting R2??
  • And WTF is up with the weird CGI musical number?  Bishop said it was added with the remaster, but I’m so confused as to why.  First of all, the CGI is REALLY obvious, especially when it’s next to Jabba and his Jim Henson-nightmare pet, both of which are puppets.  The puppet thing has always been one of the coolest parts of Star Wars since it makes everything look real instead of computer-generated, and now with this song/dance thing… ugh.  Second, this song doesn’t seem to serve any purpose! There’s an old trope about movies (and plays, and anything else in that genre) that says that all lines, props, actions, etc., must serve to advance the plot.  The gun on the mantle in Act 1 must be used by Act 3, right?  Well, this scene sure doesn’t do that, and I just don’t get it. 

Boba Fett has like 10 lines…
  • I never realized this.  I assumed, based on the fan love for him, that he was a major character.  Guess not. 
  • Also, the mystery of Boba Fett = just one more thing the prequels ruined. 

Leia shows up, Chewy in cuffs, to rescue Han Solo!
  • Ok, the “I love you”-“I know” moment is totally redeemed by this scene.  Leia is such a badass J and of course the subversion of the “rescue the girl” trope by her bailing Solo out of Jabba’s palace is beautiful.
  • … until that curtain pulls back to reveal Jabba and his cronies in all their disgusting glory. Worst surprise party ever.

The drive across Tatooine and the sarlacc pit
  • Oh the green screen fun of those ships flying over the sand!  All the things they digitally touched up, and they didn’t go back and pull the green from Chewy’s hair or around Solo’s ears? Dumb.
  • Solo’s take-down of Boba Fett is so slap-stick! It’s like watching an old Three Stooges movie. Ugh.
  • Also, when did the sarlacc grow a beak?

Back on Dagoba…
  • So the conversation between Luke and Obi-wan about Vader, where Obi-wan keeps saying things about a ‘certain point of view,’ is basically just him going “Well, TECHNICALLY I didn’t lie when I said your father was dead…”  I mean, I get it, it would be hard for a kid to find out that not only was he abandoned, but his father is one of the most evil figures in the galaxy.  But nonetheless! Own up to your damn lie, Obi-wan.  Your intentions were good, but now you’re busted.  Own it. 

Endor and the Ewoks.
  • Can we talk about the Ewoks for a second?  They are not cute at all.  Like, AT ALL.  They are in fact terrifying.  And they are all played by midgets! What a politically incorrect casting call that must have been… Come on, Lucas!
  • And why is everyone in camo EXCEPT the super shiny droids? Because that makes sense.
  • Also: as my dad pointed out, every indigenous, ‘prehistoric’-esque culture on the planet has been wiped out when the next level of technological weapons shows up… Native Americans vs. Europeans, Aztecs vs. Cortez, Aborigines vs. the English penal colonies… and yet some stuffed teddy bears throwing rocks and spears wipe out highly trained soldiers?  I get it, the Storm Troopers can’t aim to save their lives (ha!), but seriously?
  • The battle on Endor is, frankly, just as dumb as advertised.

The Jedi reassemble from the spirit world…
  • … and they have digitally inserted Hayden Christensen, and HE STILL CAN’T ACT! He just smiles creepily at the camera, and I’m just assuming it’s a smile from context clues, as his face doesn’t actually move. 

Verdict: I enjoyed the Star Wars trilogy more this time around than I ever have before, criticisms or no.  Let’s roll those opening credits for Force Awakens and take the next, hopefully awesome, leap into the galaxy. 





Sunday, November 29, 2015

Living in the Real World

It's hard to be an adult when the rest of your friends refuse to grow up.

Over the last few years, I've noticed a trend in myself and in my friends.

I have grown up a lot in the last three and a half years (since I got out of college).
I got a job.
I got married.
We bought a house.
We opened retirement savings accounts.
My husband got better and better jobs.
I kept my job.
I went back to school for a second Master's.

These are primarily adult things -- they require responsibility, hard work, dedication, and a lot of time and effort to achieve.

[The only one that doesn't is us getting married, but since we're still married three years later, I'm counting it.  Staying married is what takes the work, and judging from the number of second marriages I see on Facebook in people my age, I'm thinking this is indeed an accomplishment.]

Bishop and I are pretty lucky in all this because we're also pretty happy.  We have enough money to live comfortably and afford all our basic necessities.  We don't go on exotic vacations or own fancy cars, but we have what we want and we like each other.  Our lives are good.

But our friends don't seem to agree.
Sadly, those friends are also the kind who give being a nerd a bad name.  You know, the stereotypes that always follow nerds around: One literally lives in his parents' basement because he can't/won't get a real job.  Another took seven years to graduate college because he transferred schools about 10 times (not exaggerating), and another only talks about how much his life sucks because he can't get a date/laid.
Not one of them has any concept of being an adult -- when your parents support you and you refuse to try at life, when you complain and complain but make no effort to change your life, you aren't an adult.

Now: I realize it would be really easy to read this as my being mean to my friends who are struggling or for a reader to assume that I've done something inadvertently or possibly even on purpose to rub my success into my friends' faces.
I'm here to honestly say that neither is true.
I want my friends to be successful -- I buy art from my struggling artist friends, I shop at places where my friends work, I do all that stuff because I want to be a good friend.
My husband and I live by a pretty strict "live and let live" policy -- I've never questioned my friends' life decisions or been mean to them about what they're passionate about.  I try hard to be a good person and support them, because that's what I expect in return.

But I'm finding that that return is no longer what I'm getting, and instead my friends act like we're all in 8th grade again.
The trend I'm noticing in myself is that, as I've gotten older, I've learned how to balance being an adult with enjoying myself.
The trend I'm noticing in my friends is that not only are they actively fighting against being adults, they will criticize and be downright cruel to people like me, who don't mind growing up a little.

We buy a house? Friends respond by making fun of the decor, the location, criticizing the paint color or the wallpaper in the bathroom.
We invite them over for game night?  They call us losers for the magnets on our fridge, for the number of dry erase boards we have (lots, due to an obsession with working out and a lesson-planning board in my office), for the food we serve.
We attend a con with them?  They harass me over the art I'm buying because they don't like the video game I love, the movie poster I found for my classroom, the model my husband got for his desk at work.

The logical reaction here is to either a) cut ties with them, or b) make fun of them right back.
Making fun of them right back seems like the easier of the two because that's how these friends operate.
So I've tried it.  And you know what happens?  They get even meaner.  They behave like I'm being the cruel one in the room, even if all I've said was, "Hey, this song sucks, can we change it?"  Once, after a friend spent 20 minutes telling me why my current favorite video game, Dragon Age: Inquisition, was the worst game he'd ever played, I jokingly said, "Well, My Chemical Romance (his favorite band) isn't that great anymore either, so let's call it even."
That's all I said, verbatim.  He responded by calling me a bitch for being mean, for making fun of something he loved, for not allowing him to have the things he enjoyed.

See the problem?

My friends treat our relationship like it's a one way street with the added bonus of the attitude of a 13-year-old.

So then, on to option two: cut ties with them.  And that just isn't an option because I feel too guilty about it.  They're struggling; how would it make them feel if their friends suddenly dumped them too?

It's hard to support your friends when all they ever do is tear you down.

I've had it suggested to me by my other, better friends that perhaps this group of friends is simply intimidated by how successful Bishop and I are.
After all, we're quite young to be so stable -- house, good jobs, little debt, and so on.

I would understand this if I wasn't surrounded by ambitious people, including those friends that I'm writing about here.

One friend wants to own his own company someday.  Another is an artist and wants to be famous for his work.  Still another wants to climb the corporate ladder right to the top of his IT department, hot wife by his side.
These are all people who want things out of their lives, but whenever I talk to them about it, they seem unwilling to do the required work to make it happen.

I get that not everyone is ambitious -- not everyone aspires to a PhD someday like I do, or running a tech department like my husband does.  I have no issue with that; every time I give up an evening of watching Breaking Bad to write a paper or read a chapter of some god-awful, boring textbook, I wish I wasn't ambitious.
But I am.

What I don't understand is making life difficult for others instead of pushing your own ambitions.  These friends all have huge dreams, things they desperately want to accomplish in their lives, so why are they spending so much time fucking around in their parents' basements and making fun of my hard work and consequent success??

Maybe this is what it is that really bothers me.

I understand that life is a lot harder for Millenials than any previous generation, but shouldn't that mean that we work harder than any other generation?

When I got out of college -- with a Master's degree, which I finished in about a year -- I put in dozens of job applications.  Of those, I got two phone calls.  Two.   I had worked hard enough during college to be qualified and have enough experience that one of those interviews hired me.
When my husband got a new job about eight months ago, it was on the tail end of almost 100 job applications, of which he got two phone calls for interviews.  Again, two.  That's not very many, but he'd worked his ass off to be qualified and got hired at one of them.
When he got his first IT job about two years ago, after having worked at Radio Shack for several years to support himself while he built his skill set, he put in close to 300 job applications before he got hired.  That time, he got four phone calls.  Four.  Out of 300 applications.

The job market is not a happening place right now, especially not for people around my age and younger, fresh from college.
But it's clear to me that with some work, it can happen.
What's also clear is this: some people are not willing to put in the work to make it happen.

Just because I'm already working my ass off to be successful, and they aren't, is no reason to give me grief.  If they're intimidated because we're successful, jealous that I'm working on a second Master's, whatever it is -- how will making me miserable help them?

The answer is that it won't.  Instead, they're using that most base of psychology to make themselves feel better by putting down my accomplishments.

It's awfully hard to be an adult when the people you surround yourself with are all still kids.

PS -- I'm sorry this is such a downer of an essay.  Some family friends were bitching about Millenials over Thanksgiving dinner this past week, and since Bishop and I are the right age, we got lumped in with the rest of them, despite sharing very little in common.  It's frustrating to hear about how my entire generation sucks when I feel like everything I'm doing is in an effort to rise about that stereotype.  And thus, this essay was born.