Covert Cosplay

I showed up to a conference this past weekend dressed as The Wizard Howl and no one noticed.  

It’s one of my favorite things to do: throw on a shirt, some jewelry, some little thing that alludes to something I love, and all of a sudden my day has a new twist of covert cosplay.  No one notices, and why should they?  Few of my colleagues are watching much Miyazaki in their free time.  Neither are they binge-watching Attack on Titan, nor trying to save the galaxy from Reapers, nor achievement hunting in Hitman: Absolution, nor fangirling out over the latest Cullen-mance development in the DAI: Trespasser DLC, or anything else that I tend to be doing. 

It doesn’t bother me; I have friends at work and I have friends outside work, and I don’t expect much overlap.  I’d be sorely disappointed if I did, let’s be honest. 

In my life, covert cosplay happens all the time:  I wear my “Paragon” ring, a throw to my morality track in Mass Effect, to school most days, and I’ve even worn it to job interviews.  It never gets a second look – it’s low-profile and simple, like my Shepard, and if an interviewer does notice it, he or she will undoubtedly think, “Hey, Paragon! That means ‘role model,’ right?”  And poof! I’ve just subliminally suggested that I’m an excellent person to hire. 

When a small bronze key rests around my neck, no one asks what it opens.  Keys are a pretty common jewelry choice for women, so I raise exactly zero eyebrows.  If it just happens to be the same key as the one Eren Jaeger wears, the one we are all waiting to find out the secret it unlocks, that’s my little secret. 

The earrings and necklace I made out of an Attack on Titan keychain are pretty obvious though, if someone is in the know.  Occasionally, I do get questions from students about what the shields are supposed to be, or why my earrings are different (the Stationary Guard and the Military Police grace my ears, while the Scouting Division is the pendant).  I never back down – I always feel like I’m a role model (a Paragon, if you will J) for other nerds, for students who love the things I do but keep them quiet for fear of being judged, and I’m open about what my jewelry means.

Some items are more subtle.  Galadriel’s flower ring and the matching necklace I found at a con look like pretty floral jewelry, and Thorin Oakenshield’s belt buckle makes a lovely pendant when I need something simple and elegant for an outfit.  Sure, if I wear the Ring of Barahuir to a concert or in place of my wedding ring, people notice the snakes and the stone, but most of my Lord of the Rings items pass easily under the non-nerd radar. 

Those days, my fellow nerds are likely to find me out, but Lord of the Rings is a love I am always happy to share. 

I also have a matching set of amber jewelry, earrings from the Smithsonian and a necklace I found online, that offer a subtle allusion to Jurassic Park – amber, after all, being an essential part of the Jurassic Park process.  I doubt anyone thinks twice about the teacher wearing amber jewelry those days, but I can smile to myself, knowing the reasons why I purchased them and why I wear them.  

Ed’s alchemy circle from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood in an oft-worn pendant. 

A bracelet that reads “I am the Sword in the Darkness” floats around one wrist. 

And I’m sure there’s more, if only I dug through my jewelry box. 

my own private homage to Jurassic Park

Of all my covert cosplay though, Howl is my favorite.  I adore this movie – it combines all that beautiful fantasy artwork with such a gentle, poignant love story that I melt every time I watch it.  Thankfully, others share my love and Etsy is filled with jewelry options.  When I bought my Howl jewelry – the jade teardrop earrings and the heavy blue pendant – I spent hours online, exploring all my options before I made my choice.  Now, all I have to do is wear a white shirt and black slacks and the look is complete – and no one is ever the wiser. 

Regardless of their subtly or lack thereof, my tastes in jewelry have never been questioned.  I’ve never been stopped by my principals and asked what I’m wearing, and other than the occasional quick compliment, my friends never delve into their deeper meaning.  I’m not bothered; I don’t, after all, interrogate them about their jewelry choices.  Mine are just for me.

Sometimes I wonder if my colleagues are doing the same thing; if I see someone wearing all green stones one day, are they offering homage to the Matrix, or do they just like the color?  If their earrings don’t match, are they inviting me to ask and learn about some fantastic new show, or did they forget to check the mirror this morning?  

I don’t usually ask.  I’ll compliment if I catch the reference, or just in general sometimes, but I go back and forth about assuming on a deeper meaning.  After all, if I see someone wearing amber and I start talking about Jurassic Park, chances are pretty good they are going to back away slowly instead of joining my enthusiasm. 

That’s okay though. 

I love showing off all my interests, and if I’m the only one understands the reference, then I spend the day smiling to myself, enjoying the inside joke that no one else gets.  

Edward Elric: A Fangirl's Dilemma

I first developed a crush on Edward Elric when I was about 16.

Back then, when Ed and I were approximately the same age, his being animated was no boundary to our love.  I read the manga religiously, watched the anime on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim as often as I could, and kept my Fullmetal Alchemist calendar hung up long after the year changed over.  The series contained so many interesting, well-developed characters that I pretty much developed a new crush every time I opened the manga up -- for a long time, far longer than I want to admit, I even slept on a Roy Mustang pillowcase.

sleeping with Roy all night long... ;)

As I started college, FMA gradually slipped out of my life.  One week I was reading the manga, the next I couldn't locate the latest issue in my tiny college town, and soon I'd forgotten all about it.

Until a month ago, when I picked up Attack on Titan.  Instantly, with the addition of anime to my 'recently watched' list, Netflix flooded me with options, and Fullmetal Alchemist caught my eye -- this time though, it was FMA: Brotherhood, a re-make of the original anime that followed the manga exactly.  It sure didn't take long for me to get hooked again.

You'll have to look up the plot basics if you aren't familiar with it.  It's too complicated to explain quickly.  

What I quickly realized is that now that I'm an adult -- complete with job, mortgage, and husband -- having a serious fan-girl crush on Edward Elric is .... almost gross.  I mean, he's 15, maybe 17 by the end of the show! I'm almost 26! Ed might still be drawn as damn sexy, with his chiseled physique and earnest smile, but now he's a child compared to my adult.  I am so not cool with this; if I was Winry, as I remember picturing myself back during Round 1 of this obsession, I'd be in some serious trouble.

It doesn't help that he still has the "hair boner," that little piece of bang that just won't fall down with the rest of his hair.  That little blonde spike was totally adorable when I was 16, back when boners were still a hilarious and un-encountered concept.  Now that I've grown up and learned how adult and fun boners can be, I still find the hair cute, but now it had a side of "inappropriate shudder" accompanying it.

Nor does it help that my students are actually OLDER than Edward.  I teach seniors in high school -- they're usually about 17 or 18 years old -- and let me tell you, there is nothing attractive about any of them.  They're teenagers for god's sake -- they're smelly and immature and generally out of control (the girls too!).  This is not a winning age group.  But Ed, in his animated and dear-god-you're-young youth, is totally enticing.

I get it: he's animated.  They can draw him to be whatever they want -- most of the time he looks and acts like he's in his early 20s, anyway, with his ripped up arms and agile combat abilities.   Frankly, I wish they'd written him in his 20s because then I wouldn't feel so dirty for having a crush on him.

I can try to transfer my love to Roy, a more age-appropriate choice even if he's a little too intense for me.  With his being a much more subtly motivated character, he's hard to piece together and truly appreciate, so it's hard to feel connected to him.  Ed might be young and angry, but his motives are pure and his actions always geared toward good -- and deep down, I don't want to give him up.  He is an easy character to love, age difference or not, and I'll stand by him to the end.