Crazy Fan Theories, Part 1: Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 4: "Book of the Stranger"

So remember when I wrote this post, about how I was really not into Game of Thrones Season 1?  I was waltzing along, bored out of my skull at the endless talking and limp wangs of the show, while you seasoned veterans were likely going, "Oh, Equinox, you sad, sad fool."

Well, to everyone's relief, that's changed since then.

I did indeed make it past episode 6 of GoT Season 1, and in fact I made it through most of Seasons 1, 2, 3, & 4 within only a month or so of each other.  I love this show.  I in fact worship this show like Robert Baratheon worshipped the ground Lyanna Stark walked on.

Too soon?

(This is about the time I point out

since I am 100% up to date on GoT... ) 

In the past few weeks, we’ve seen Bran’s storyline finally get interesting.  I mean seriously – episodes on end of him being “OMG I can warg into Hodor!” and he’s not even doing it to get laid? Boring. 

At the end of season 4, when he finally reached the cave with the 3-eyed raven, some serious shit went down: the battle with the wights, Jojen’s death, and the super-creepy girl who is one of the Children, the original inhabitants of Westeros.  All of a sudden, Bran’s story was fascinating. 

Then he vanished for the entirety of Season 5.  Wtf, guys??

But now that he’s back, his storyline is kind of my favorite.  I mean, watching Tyrion manipulate basically everyone into doing whatever he wants is always entertaining, and the scene where he makes awkward small talk with Grey Worm and Missandei is one of the most painfully brilliant conversations out there.  And of course there’s Jon Snow’s resurrection, which Kit Harington himself ruined for me –

But I can forgive him since it means Jon Snow LIVES.

So other than them, watching Bran scramble around in the past is my favorite.  I’ve always liked flashbacks for their power to show what’s only ever been hinted at, and boy, did that play out in Season 6, Episode 4: Book of the Stranger.     

Bran heads back years, to the moment when Ned Stark defeats Sir Arthur Dayne to rescue his sister, Lyanna, from the tower where Prince Rhaegar has been keeping her prisoner.  The scene ends before Ned, who looks like he’s about 20-25, enters the tower, thus preventing Bran from seeing what he found inside.  The 3-eyed raven says that “that’s enough” for now, but it’s clear that Bran has some suspicions about what Ned found. 

And I do too. 

Rhaegar Targaryen is the son of the Mad King.  In kidnapping Lyanna Stark, we can only assume that he likely raped and tortured her before her death.  We have no idea how she died – though perhaps Bran will find out eventually – only that she’s dead, and her kidnapping inspired Robert Baratheon’s War of the Usurper, the event that ultimately set off everything else currently happening in Westeros.

Here’s the thing: We know Lyanna Stark died in her brother Ned’s arms. What if this tower is where that happened? And what if, assuming Rhaegar did indeed rape her, she was pregnant?  Let’s go further and assume that her baby survived, even if she did not – she could have died in childbirth, or Ned could have found her near death and saved her baby, we don’t know. 

Right now, Daenerys Targaryen is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne as the only surviving child of Aerys II, the Mad King.  But according to most inheritance laws, that right passes through firstborn blood rights; if Prince Rhaegar was the heir, his eldest child would be the next heir, and so on through his bloodline.  His younger siblings are only in line for the throne if his children die.  Now, all Rhaegar’s children by his wife Elia Martell were slaughtered by Sir Gregor Clegane, the Mountain, during the Sack of King’s Landing by the Lannister army at the end of Robert’s Rebellion.   Thus, Rhaeger’s line ended, and his younger siblings by rights inherit the throne, even if Baratheon did usurp it somewhat successfully. 

BUT: if Lyanna Stark had a baby, it would likely be the child of Rhaegar Targaryen, meaning that child would replace Daenerys as the Targaryen heir. 

Jon Snow, former Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and assumed bastard of Ned Stark, is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne.

I realize this is not exactly a new theory.  However, a lot of what I’ve read is circumstantial: Jon Snow walking into the room as Aemon Targaryen says something about his family being alone in the world, the mirroring of public executions and rises to power between Snow and Dany, Melisandre only trying to seduce men who have a claim to the throne.  Those are all lovely little breadcrumbs dropped throughout the show, but they are also easily explained away as coincidence. 

One clue is not, and that’s where I want to start: the comment Stannis Baratheon makes about Ned Stark not being the kind of guy to cheat on his wife.

Ned Stark, for all intents and purposes, has never been anything but loyal to his wife Catelyn, other than one tiny indiscretion that produced his bastard son Jon Snow.  He brought this baby home from the war and asked his wife to raise him without any comment about his mother.  Catelyn has always been conflicted about Jon Snow – she trusts her husband, but Jon is also only slightly younger that Robb Stark, meaning Ned would have had to cheat on her basically at the same time as they conceived his firstborn son.  The timelines are a little too close to make sense that he conceived a child with someone else while away at war. 

Then, of course, there’s the conversation by the river.  First, Robert Baratheon asks Ned who Snow’s mother actually is, and Ned, in no position to refuse, tells him her name was Wylla.  If you’ve read the books, you probably know that Wylla is of rather undetermined status: she was a maid and a wet nurse for House Dayne, but we don’t know if she’s still alive nor is there any evidence that she and Ned actually knew each other. 

[Another possibility is Ashara Dayne, who killed herself over the death of her brother at Ned’s hands.  I don’t put much stock in this theory, even though Catelyn Stark was commanded never to mention her name by Ned himself at one point. Personally, I think this is all Ned just trying to keep Jon’s existence on the downlow, because if the Great Houses of Westeros figured out his true parentage, he is in grave danger.] 

Don’t forget when Ned Stark pulls Jon Snow aside to talk about his mother. That conversation never happens – Ned starts it, but they are interrupted, and then separated, and then Ned is beheaded by Joffrey Baratheon for treason before they are ever reunited.  The secret of Jon Snow’s mother dies with him, presumably. 

This is already super suspicious, and we aren’t even out of Season 1 (and book 1). 

#varysuspicious

Then I’m going to skip ahead – my knowledge of Season 2-4 is a little shaky since I haven’t seen them in over a year, and I read the books in 2011.  But considering that all the really important stuff to support my theory shows up in Seasons 5 & 6, I’m okay with it.  Maybe I’ll re-watch them and expand this until it’s long and obnoxious and completely irrefutable. 

So at the end of Season 5, Jon Snow is murdered. 

This caused basically everyone who’ve been rooting for him to throw up their hands in disgust and claim that they are never watching Game of Thrones again. 

They are all lying. 

Season 6 starts with Snow’s body, cold and bloody, being dragged inside Castle Black by his supporters.  Davos and Melisandre conspire to attempt to bring him back to life, though Melisandre needs some serious convincing.  Her entire life, her entire religion, have been based on what she sees in the flames, and with Stannis’ and Jon Snow’s deaths, everything she thought was true has been lost. 

After all, she saw Jon Snow alive and fighting at the coming Battle of Winterfell, and how can that be possible if he’s dead? 

But with some convincing, she performs a rite to bring Jon Snow back (including cutting his hair so it’s the right length for Kit Harington, who cut his hair immediately after Snow was stabbed to further the illusion that he was, in fact, dead.  Since everyone knows Harington’s hair is under contract (check out this video if you don't believe me) with HBO, everyone lost their shit – if his hair was gone, then so was Jon Snow.  Clever.) 

Anyway, it works – Episode 2 ends with Jon Snow’s dramatic revival, and Episode 3 opens with him waking up to finger his own stab wounds and wonder what the fuck happened, exactly.  Melisandre asks him what he saw, reacting poorly when Jon tells her that “it was only darkness” before Davos ushers her out. 

The fact that Jon Snow lives is not, in and of itself, proof that he is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen.  

But it is promising. 

Who knows? Maybe he is just as surprised as we are. 

Think further: The books constantly reference just how much Jon Snow looks like Ned, which would seem to be evidence in favor of Ned’s adultery as opposed to a child of a Targaryen.  Their House is known for their long silvery hair, achieved by intermarrying their siblings and something Jon obviously lacks.  But think carefully: That doesn’t mean Ned’s his father.  We already watched Ned follow dark hair as a dominant gene in Season 1 in order to determine Joffrey’s true parentage, so we can extrapolate that if Rhaegar Targaryen fathered a child on someone with dark hair, her genes would win out.

And Lyanna is a Stark, after all.  All the Starks have dark hair except Sansa, who clearly resembles her mother Catelyn.  Otherwise, it’s nothing but dark hair as far as the eye can see. She and Ned are both children of Rickard Stark; perhaps Jon looks like his grandfather and no one quite realizes it. 

Except Ned, of course. 

Ned’s constant visits to his sister’s grave (as evidenced by Sansa’s memories throughout the show) also support that Jon Snow is his nephew, as he would want to honor Lyanna’s memory by raising her son well.  And as tension in Westeros rose, he would also want a reminder of who he was protecting, and why, in keeping Jon’s parentage a secret.  He does mention to Jon that they may not share a name, but they share blood.  He’s not lying; he’s just not telling the whole truth either. 

That’s a massive pile of Stark-related evidence that Jon Snow is in fact the child of Lyanna and Rhaegar Targaryen, and by extension the heir to the throne. 

What about everything else?

The clues here lie in the words of House Targaryen: “Fire and Blood.” 

Daenerys Targaryen has built her reputation on being The Unburnt, including her dramatic emergence from the Temple of the Dosh Kahleen at the end of Episode 4.  This suggests, at least on some level, that she’s immune to fire.  If you can’t buy into that, then hopefully we can at least concede that she has a unique relationship with fire.

 

There’s no evidence that Dany follows the Lord of Light, but I have no doubt she’d approve of his fire-based message.  She repeatedly uses fire to serve her own purposes: as a way to cleanse herself, as seen in her rebirth as the mother of dragons, or to dispose of her enemies, as seen in her destruction of the misogynistic leaders of the Dothraki, allowing her to (presumably) seize power next episode.

Back in Westeros, Melisandre, a Red Priestess, receives her visions (as well as her power to defy age) from the flames.  She’s also pulled prominent leaders into the Lord of Light’s influence, most obviously Stannis Baratheon and his wife.  Baratheon adopted the flames into his house sigil, his wife so devout she watched gleefully as her brother, a sinner, was immolated for his adherence to the old faith.  Flame is cleansing, used to preserve the faithful and destroy everyone else.  In addition, flame is how the Lord of Light accepts sacrifice in return for his favor, most notably Shireen Baratheon in Season 5. 

The Lord of Light has power in Westeros, the power of fire and the power of blood. 

And who did the fire god choose to bring back to life?

Jon Snow. 

Blood should have killed him, and fire brought him back. 

The only remaining piece is for him to dramatically survive a fire that should have killed him (which I predict to be how his heritage is finally revealed). 

All hail Jon Snow, the First of his Name, Former Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and the Prince that was Promised, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, and future King of the Seven Kingdoms. 

Covert Cosplay

I showed up to a conference this past weekend dressed as The Wizard Howl and no one noticed.  

It’s one of my favorite things to do: throw on a shirt, some jewelry, some little thing that alludes to something I love, and all of a sudden my day has a new twist of covert cosplay.  No one notices, and why should they?  Few of my colleagues are watching much Miyazaki in their free time.  Neither are they binge-watching Attack on Titan, nor trying to save the galaxy from Reapers, nor achievement hunting in Hitman: Absolution, nor fangirling out over the latest Cullen-mance development in the DAI: Trespasser DLC, or anything else that I tend to be doing. 

It doesn’t bother me; I have friends at work and I have friends outside work, and I don’t expect much overlap.  I’d be sorely disappointed if I did, let’s be honest. 

In my life, covert cosplay happens all the time:  I wear my “Paragon” ring, a throw to my morality track in Mass Effect, to school most days, and I’ve even worn it to job interviews.  It never gets a second look – it’s low-profile and simple, like my Shepard, and if an interviewer does notice it, he or she will undoubtedly think, “Hey, Paragon! That means ‘role model,’ right?”  And poof! I’ve just subliminally suggested that I’m an excellent person to hire. 

When a small bronze key rests around my neck, no one asks what it opens.  Keys are a pretty common jewelry choice for women, so I raise exactly zero eyebrows.  If it just happens to be the same key as the one Eren Jaeger wears, the one we are all waiting to find out the secret it unlocks, that’s my little secret. 

The earrings and necklace I made out of an Attack on Titan keychain are pretty obvious though, if someone is in the know.  Occasionally, I do get questions from students about what the shields are supposed to be, or why my earrings are different (the Stationary Guard and the Military Police grace my ears, while the Scouting Division is the pendant).  I never back down – I always feel like I’m a role model (a Paragon, if you will J) for other nerds, for students who love the things I do but keep them quiet for fear of being judged, and I’m open about what my jewelry means.

Some items are more subtle.  Galadriel’s flower ring and the matching necklace I found at a con look like pretty floral jewelry, and Thorin Oakenshield’s belt buckle makes a lovely pendant when I need something simple and elegant for an outfit.  Sure, if I wear the Ring of Barahuir to a concert or in place of my wedding ring, people notice the snakes and the stone, but most of my Lord of the Rings items pass easily under the non-nerd radar. 

Those days, my fellow nerds are likely to find me out, but Lord of the Rings is a love I am always happy to share. 

I also have a matching set of amber jewelry, earrings from the Smithsonian and a necklace I found online, that offer a subtle allusion to Jurassic Park – amber, after all, being an essential part of the Jurassic Park process.  I doubt anyone thinks twice about the teacher wearing amber jewelry those days, but I can smile to myself, knowing the reasons why I purchased them and why I wear them.  

Ed’s alchemy circle from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood in an oft-worn pendant. 

A bracelet that reads “I am the Sword in the Darkness” floats around one wrist. 

And I’m sure there’s more, if only I dug through my jewelry box. 

my own private homage to Jurassic Park

Of all my covert cosplay though, Howl is my favorite.  I adore this movie – it combines all that beautiful fantasy artwork with such a gentle, poignant love story that I melt every time I watch it.  Thankfully, others share my love and Etsy is filled with jewelry options.  When I bought my Howl jewelry – the jade teardrop earrings and the heavy blue pendant – I spent hours online, exploring all my options before I made my choice.  Now, all I have to do is wear a white shirt and black slacks and the look is complete – and no one is ever the wiser. 

Regardless of their subtly or lack thereof, my tastes in jewelry have never been questioned.  I’ve never been stopped by my principals and asked what I’m wearing, and other than the occasional quick compliment, my friends never delve into their deeper meaning.  I’m not bothered; I don’t, after all, interrogate them about their jewelry choices.  Mine are just for me.

Sometimes I wonder if my colleagues are doing the same thing; if I see someone wearing all green stones one day, are they offering homage to the Matrix, or do they just like the color?  If their earrings don’t match, are they inviting me to ask and learn about some fantastic new show, or did they forget to check the mirror this morning?  

I don’t usually ask.  I’ll compliment if I catch the reference, or just in general sometimes, but I go back and forth about assuming on a deeper meaning.  After all, if I see someone wearing amber and I start talking about Jurassic Park, chances are pretty good they are going to back away slowly instead of joining my enthusiasm. 

That’s okay though. 

I love showing off all my interests, and if I’m the only one understands the reference, then I spend the day smiling to myself, enjoying the inside joke that no one else gets.  

Dear HBO GO

Dear HBO GO,

            Your service is shit, let’s face it. 

Nothing loads well the first time, and the second requires a hard reboot.

The servers crash when a new episode of True Detective comes on.

Game of Thrones loses sound at absolutely crucial moments for no discernible reason. 

And I can only get your service through a smart TV or a gaming console!

            Look, HBO.  You already have a monopoly on the only watchable television out there; your only major competitor is Netflix, and they’ll run out of funding on their $8/month far before you ever will.  So why on earth would you not fix these issues so using GO is actually pleasurable??

            You and I both know I paid a lot, I repeat a LOT, of money for my Roku 3.  And yet you refuse to let GO stream on it?? I’m your target audience: nerds who spend a lot of time in front of the TV or on the Internet.  You know I’m going to be buying what you’re selling, so why make it painful for all of us? 

            Don’t get me wrong: I’m super grateful I no longer have to get cable in order to watch HBO stuff.  I gave up cable years ago when Netflix got huge and have never looked back, except to wonder about all the cool stuff I was missing on HBO.  Waiting 8 months to get the next Game of Thrones season from the library, or paying far too much to buy the box set of Sex and the City was bad enough – I was on board with HBO streaming from the start. 

            Until I found out I needed a Smart TV for it to be any good at all. 

            My husband owns just about every gaming console known to nerds, so I can get GO, no worries.  But it’s shit! (As I may have mentioned.) On top of those issues, the hi-def quality is just not there, and the buffering time required for that means that by the time I can get an episode to actually load in 1080p, the spoilers and/or questions about what the fuck, exactly, is happening on this episode of True Detective are already blowing up my phone.   

            I’m not going to run out and buy a Smart TV -- and it has to be an LG one?? Fuck that! -- for a thousand dollars just to watch The Brink – for that kind of money, I’ll suck it up and torrent it, shit quality and all.  So why, when you are losing potential customers, make GO exclusive to certain devices??

            And really: shows that don’t buffer when paused?? Even YouTube does that now; hell, even SchoolTube (the ‘kid friendly’ version of YouTube where you won’t accidentally see a tit or hear someone yelling “die, motherfucker!” in the background) does that now!

            Even worse: What am I supposed to do when said non-buffering app crashes in the middle of someone important’s death? I worship Game of Thrones; each lost second means someone else could die! And I have to scroll all the way through the entire 47 minutes until that point, wait for all that to back-buffer, and then once the video finally shows up again… the sound goes AWOL. 

            Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t buy that Smart TV because there are times I want to throw whatever GO streaming device I’m using out the window. 

            I’d drop your service, but hey, I’m watching it on my in-laws’ subscription anyway, so I guess really I can’t complain.  Or at least, not too loudly.  Really, since I’m not paying for it… why should you care?

            Sincerely,

            Will Never Pay For My Own Subscription 

Game of Thrones: A Musical Like No Other

So I still don't have any idea what "Red Nose Day" is, even after the events of the past few days.  However, in spite of this ignorance of its purpose, I have to be thankful for it because Red Nose Day has provided some of the best entertainment I've discovered lately.

That entertainment of course, like much else this spring, pertains to Game of Thrones.

Now, originally, upon viewing Game of Thrones, I wasn't such a big fan -- too much political intrigue and pickle shots and not nearly enough violence or character development there in the first season.  By the events of the season finale though, I was hooked, and now I'm almost caught up, having just finished season 4 this very evening.

I'm not always thrilled with the changes made between the page and the screen, and I can't say I love the gore that's come about either -- I never wanted to see a man's skull crushed, thank you very much, but I have now.  (It's just as gruesome as you'd expect too; I can't say I recommend it.)

What I've come to love most about this show are its actors and their characters.  Each was chosen perfectly, so true to the books and so much better acted than I ever expected.

Nowhere is this point driven home more effectively than in the short videos released for Red Nose Day, in which some of the actors take their characters into the music studio for a quick lapse into the Game of Thrones Musical.

Hilarity ensues:

I never knew I needed a reggae Khaleesi in my life until this video.

Neither did I expect that Jaime Lannister had such a sense of humor:

The puns! I was so pleased, so very, very pleased.  And also just dying laughing.

Then of course comes the crown jewel of these little teasers, Peter Dinklage's Tyrion Lannister:

Tyrion Lannister has consistently been in my top 3 favorite characters since I read the books, and since Dinklage brings him to like with such sass, I love him on the show too.  This song doesn't disappoint -- as he counts down the characters that have died while he's "still going strong," I was falling out of my seat, I was laughing so hard.

I haven't seen the full musical yet -- I haven't had the time to sit and watch all of it.  Suffice it to say though: if these little teasers are any indication, that full Game of Thrones musical has got to be incredible. I'm looking forward to the laughs.

And also desperately hoping that Baelish and Jon Snow have songs too.

When You Play the Game of Thrones...

... You Win or You Snooze, apparently.  

I’ve been watching the first season of Game of Thrones lately, and my god! Is it boring!

I can’t believe it – I loved these books, and I was sucked in like you would not believe.  How did such a masterpiece fizzle into this show where it’s all talking and naked people? Even some of the big moments – Bran getting pushed out the window, for example – come across as slow and non-essential due to their filming. Instead, the whole plot revolves around Sean Bean as Ned Stark, and he (frankly) does little but make stupid decisions and talk to people about stuff I can’t yet piece together. 

So much goes unsaid in this show! I’ve been watching it with my husband, Bishop, and he has a hard time following it; I am constantly explaining what Ned is thinking because the show just hints at everything.  I spend a fair amount of time confused myself, not only because I read the books in 2011 but also because the show just isn’t written very clearly.  There’s too much subtext and not enough actual text. 

And sure, sexual tension in a show can be super interesting.  It’s just not present in GoT – people are naked almost as an afterthought, just walking around with boobs flapping about.  When there is actual sex, there’s no build-up to it; someone just walks into a room, or the scene changes, and there are people getting it on.  Maybe that’s fascinating to the rest of America, but I much prefer watching the chase and enjoying the act myself, instead of the other way around. 

(Also, as a mini-side-rant, can we please have a warning when a dick is about to make an appearance?? I’m a straight girl, so I am generally okay with them, but that doesn’t mean I want to suddenly encounter one dangling when I thought I was just watching TV.  I’ve taken a very unscientific poll and no guy I can find wants to see that either, so I’m just saying: get rid of the pickle shots. /endrant)

So many people love this show, RAVE about this show! I must be missing something.  I knew going in that it was a medieval fantasy tale with a political mind, but I never guessed I would be so bored. 

Right now, I’m about four episodes in, and I’m having trouble convincing myself to keep going. Some reviews online suggest that it picks up around episodes 5-7, depending on which review you read, so I remain hopeful.  But if this doesn’t pick up by the end of the first season, I guarantee there won’t be a GoT fan writing this blog.