Life is Never THAT Dramatic, Part 2: Romance

I’ve played a fair number of games – not a TON, but for having been a gamer for around 18 months, a fair number:  the Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins and Inquisition, Skyrim, Assassin’s Creed, the Witcher 2, Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning, WoW, and some others, including strategy and turn-based games like Civilization V.  Of those, my favorites have always been Bioware (ME and DA) because I love their RPG and romance options so much. 

I have written about some of these romances before.  If you regularly visit this blog (and if so, thank you!), you’ve read about my undying love for Garrus and his desperate romance with Shepard, along with the unparalleled affection I have for Alistair and his romance with the Hero of Ferelden, which is so damn adorable that I have no words to describe it (they’re still together when you meet Alistair in Inquisition, just FYI. *squee!*)

Whoops. I just realized that might be considered a spoiler.  Perhaps just assume that I’m going to spoil things here, because I don’t think I can talk about Inquisition without giving something away.

Anyway! Whilst running about saving the world, enjoying an escape from my everyday life, it seems I inadvertently joined a group known as the “Cullenites.”  (And no, thank god, I’m not talking about the vampire.)

I wrote about Cullen not that long ago, when he was just the smug leader of the Inquisition’s military forces.  At the time, I was upset about my lack of choices for my Inquisitor to romance, and the more research I did, the more upset I became.  After all: Dorian is gay, Iron Bull is terrifying, Sera is super dumb, Blackwall is old, and Solas will only romance you if you’re an elf, which I am not.  I didn’t realize it when I wrote before, but Cullen was really my only option – nothing else was going to work.  I spent the first 15 hours or so of the game flirting with anyone at all, irritated that I wasn’t getting anywhere. 

But as soon as Haven imploded and the Inquisition marched to Skyhold, things started to change. 

First, a hymn, started by Mother Giselle but picked up by everyone. As Cullen closes his eyes to sing, as the incredible voice of Greg Ellis, his voice actor, pours out, I melt. 

Soon, a chess match between Cullen and Dorian, which the Inquisitor crashes before Cullen offers a game.  Nothing more special than chatting happens, but the spark of their romance flickers into being amidst smiles and innocent comments of spending time together. 

Then, a kiss.  Ooo, that spine-tingling kiss.

It starts so awkwardly, with Cullen trying to make conversation about the weather and the Inquisitor not paying even the slightest bit of attention.  As soon as she starts to open up though, and the possibilities start to solidify, Cullen responds – a slow lean in reminiscent of all good first kisses. 

Until they are interrupted. 

One of the running jokes of the game (and their relationship) is that Cullen has no ability to stop working at all, so when a scout comes looking for him to deliver a report and catches them off-guard, I laughed out loud.  Cullen turns to the scout and snaps “WHAT!” whereupon the scout realizes that the Inquisitor won’t even make eye contact, she’s so embarrassed.  He backs away going “to your office… right…” while Cullen just glowers at him, too pissed off to speak. 

As he leaves, the Inquisitor loses her sense of certainty, giving Cullen an out by saying, “If you have other things to do…” and trailing off, fidgeting and staring at the ground. 

And he pounces.

An intense, drawn-out, sexy kiss ensues, one where all the future possibilities take shape.

That’s when my reaction to Cullen started to change.   

Here’s the thing: I never buy games when they first come out. I haven’t had much opportunity anyway, but I also can’t stomach paying $60 for a game.  The only reason I own Inquisition already, when it came out less than four months ago, is because someone gave it to me for Christmas. 

So this time, this playing a game in its first few months, was totally new, and deep down, I was hoping that I was the first to discover Cullen. 

I know, in my heart, that this is stupid; I’m sure there were people who played the game all in its first 3-5 days, and from what I’ve read online, some people have been in love with Cullen since his very small role in Origins, where he’s been tortured and tries to convince you to kill all the mages in Broken Circle.  (They’ve changed his hair color and shaved his goatee since then, thank god; I didn’t even realize it was the same guy).  I also have a tendency to fall in love with the popular characters for Bioware games – Garrus and Alistair come to mind. 

Even so, I wanted Cullen all to myself.  Especially after that kiss…

I think Cullen has the most depth of any video game character I’ve ever encountered.  He grows and changes and struggles with himself throughout the game, something Garrus and Alistair never really did. 

Garrus is much darker; so much has gone badly for him and he is so desperate for things with Shepard to go right.  His character, while deep, is pretty malleable.  He might struggle in the first game to find himself outside C-Sec, and he definitely has some moral issues in ME2, but the decisions he makes and the character he becomes largely depend on how Shepard interacts with him.  Since I played as a paragon Shepard, he does experience a fair bit of growth, but (as much as I love him, and I really do) it always seemed a little manipulated.  He’s still the sexiest romance option by far though.  That voice…

And Alistair… Alistair is so freaking cute, so cuddly, that it’s hard to imagine him as having any darkness to his life.  He’s easy to understand: he is committed to the Grey Wardens, doesn’t want to be king but respects his duty if it comes to that, and loves to make sarcastic remarks and fight monsters with the Hero.  They are both great characters, ones that leap off the screen with a life of their own. 

But they aren’t like Cullen. 

Cullen is more like a real person.  He’s not overly handsome, first and foremost. He’s not ugly, that’s for sure, but he’s realistic: he’s got a long scar through one side of his lip, his eyes are brown instead of blue or green, and when he’s distressed, his face contorts into all sorts of ugly visages, much like a real person.  He punches things when he’s upset and stumbles over his words when he’s nervous, and he fights through a lot of internal conflict over his feelings about mages and their fates.  In ways that usually can’t happen outside novels, where there is the space for it, Cullen is real. 

This is how I managed to develop a crush on an NPC. 

The official romance scene between the Inquisitor and Cullen – read: the sex scene – is so amazing, it takes my breath away.  There’s a lot of really cute, unsteady dialogue to start, as Cullen is thinking about the future but doesn’t want to assume the Inquisitor thinks about him the same way.  As that unfolds, you can either break things off (which I did once just to see it, and it’s heartbreaking) or choose Romance; when that happens, the Inquisitor wedges herself between Cullen and his desk, where he’s retreated to protect himself, and literally says, “Cullen. Do you have to ask?” which is obviously to his delight.  He starts to lean in but she accidentally knocks a glass bottle off the desk, where it shatters on the stone floor.  For a moment, both are surprised; Cullen even shakes his head and gives a little smirk like “really?” before sweeping everything else off too and pulling the Inquisitor into his arms for a slow descent onto the desk. 

This is all absolutely super cute: Cullen is so unsure and scared but also so hopeful, and the Inquisitor is basically not giving in to the game, instead choosing to leap in and commit, knowing what she wants.  Adorable.  But from there, the realism of the scene is incredible.  As Cullen and the Inquisitor lay down, Inquisitor on her back with Cullen above her, everything happens as it really would.  The Inquisitor has to wiggle her butt onto the desk so that when they end up horizontal, they’ll be face to face, and Cullen leans as far as he can but has to catch himself on one hand on the table as he crawls on top of her.  There’s a flash of thigh movement as the Inquisitor wraps her legs around him, and she even gives him a little “come here” wave to kiss her once she gets situated on the desk.  The last, incredibly sexy thing you see before it fades to black is Cullen’s weight settling onto her as they finally come together.  I know that might not sound sexy, but it absolutely is – how real it feels, but also in how tender and gradual it is, like he wants to throw himself on her but is maintaining the tiniest bit of restraint.  There’s also a sense of relief that they are finally together -- the two smile the whole time, like they just can’t imagine being anywhere else, with anyone else.  It’s the sweetest, sexiest thing I think I’ve ever seen in a video game.  How I could watch this and NOT end up with a crush on Cullen is beyond me. 

Their morning after is sweet too.  The Inquisitor is up and dressed, tying up her boots, but Cullen is sleeping just behind her (with her body strategically blocking his nakedness).  I didn’t quite realize at first, but Cullen is having a lyrium-withdrawal nightmare – he’s breathing hard, like he’s terrified, and muttering “no” and “leave me” to his tormentors.  When the Inquisitor leans over, he wakes with a horrifyingly real start, one everyone has experienced, scanning the room in terror and only very slowly realizing he’s okay. 

Within moments, he’s frustrated that he’s worried the Inquisitor. Throughout the romance cut scenes, he’s been trying so hard to be strong and not put any additional work on her, and if you choose one option in an earlier scene, he offers to do anything he can to help her.  Here, he’s trying to regain that.  I choose the “Hey, it’s okay for me to worry” option each time, because the chuckle he gives as he realizes that’s part of being together is just so endearing. 

From there, Greg Ellis, his voice actor, deserves an Oscar or something.  Cullen leans in to rest his forehead again yours, saying softly that he’s “never felt anything like this,” and I choke up every time.  The actor does such an amazing job; the emotion he evokes takes me back to my husband and I’s third date, when we first admitted we were falling in love with each other and probably said something similar to Cullen here.  That a game can inspire that…  unbelievable. 

I think this is why I am so defensive about Cullen, why I don’t want anyone else to have the same game-play experience as me.  Obviously they do; Cullen is an NPC, he says the same stuff to anyone who romances him! But I feel so connected to my Inquisitor that it’s like these scenes are really happening to me.  That’s part of the temptation of video games: I have the chance to put myself into that situation, no matter what it is, in a way I don’t have when reading a book or watching a movie.  The game immerses me; I feel, on some level, that I am the Inquisitor.  Since he’s the Inquisitor’s in the game, obviously I want him to be all mine too – a silly fantasy I know is impossible, but I keep hoping anyway.  I don’t want to share him with the rest of the Cullenites J

So many other scenes inspire this same selfish feeling.  When Cullen tries to give up lyrium, when he takes you to visit his childhood home, when you dance at the Orlesian ball or embrace just before the end… They are all wonderful.  It makes perfect sense: when life is this demanding, this dramatic and threatening, each stolen moment feels passionate and desperate together, and I love it. 

Choices, Indeed

I am loving Dragon Age: Inquisition.  The story, the enemies, the characters, all of it.  I restarted a few times to get my Herald looking perfect, and now the plot is in full-swing.  I can do what I want, travel where I want, run down as many or as few fetch-quests as I want... the world is so wide and welcoming, there are so many people to get to know, and so many convoluted plot lines to tease apart! I anticipate something like 50-60 hours of gameplay, I really do.

But so far, I am a little disappointed in my romance options.

In Dragon Age: Origins, I can't say the romance options were overly plentiful.  If you played as a human female Hero of Ferelden, which I did, you could get involved with Alistair, Zevran, or Leliana; that was it.  I didn't want to play as a lesbian (I identify as straight in real life, so I tend to play my characters straight as well), and Zevran really rubbed me the wrong way (no pun intended, haha).  That left Alistair, who became my default romance option.  I didn't have a problem with this, because let's face it, Alistair is SEXY.

He might spend most of the game with a confused look on his face...

... but he's still delicious.  That adorable face + his accent = my heart swoons, every time.

I've written about him before, so I won't bore you.  But suffice it to say that even with basically just the one option in my play-through of Origins, I never once felt cheated.

But now that I've booted up Inquisition (I didn't get more than 5 hours into DA2, so I'm ignoring it)... I'm a little disappointed.  I know there are lots of options, LOTS in fact, but right now... they all kind of suck.

There's Solas, the snooty bald-headed elf mage:

He's interesting, to be sure, and yet I can't muster up a lot of empathy for him yet.  He seems too cold, too removed from my Herald to be a good romance option.

And Varric, the dwarf who never buttons up his shirt, leaving his chest hair spilling out, is the funniest character thus far, and he's not an option according to Bishop, who loved DA2 and said that no one could ever romance Varric.  Not that I would -- the chest hair is a little too much for me.

So my starter companions were out.  How about some of the ones I was picking up as I played?

Oh, you mean Iron Bull, the gigantic qunari with the horns?

Not only would he crush my Herald like a bug (she comes up to about his ever-present nipples), he has horns.  Yes, I'm judging, but come on?? Alistair to him??? No thank you.

If I was still looking for a connection to Alistair, I could go with my Grey Warden companion, Blackwall.  There's just a minor issue with Blackwall: He's old.

I mean, yeah, fine, he's not old like Wynne from Origins, who was in her 80s, but he's certainly not young either.  I dress my heroes down; they're young and fairly attractive, nothing insane but certainly pretty, probably around 30ish.  Blackwall comes across as at least 45-50, which for a Grey Warden is *really* old.  So there's that strike against him.  On top of that, Blackwall is really a downer of a character.  He hasn't cracked a smile or told a joke all game, and I recruited him fairly early.  Every time I go talk to him, he's got some new doom and gloom issue to discuss with the Herald.  Oddly enough, the option to hit on him pops up instantly, so I guess he's who the game wants me to hook up with? So not interested...

Or there's Cullen, my templar advisor:

He seems polite enough, fine, but the fur coat coupled with his arrogant attitude? Look at that smug face!  Again, no thank you.  I find nothing relate-able about Cullen, other than he and Alistair, who appears in a brief mage-related cameo, now have the same haircut. That is not enough of a reason to start a romance with the guy, come on.

If those aren't enough 'options,' there's Dorian, or as I fondly call him, Snidely Whiplash:

I just can't.  I can not.  I laugh every time I see his face! and on top of that, he's unbelievably cocky with really no reason to be.  I leveled him up so he's a pretty bad-ass electricity mage, but before that? He sucked the big one, and then was all bragging like "hey, don't kill anyone without me!" Every time, my Herald is rolling her eyes, going "We aren't killing anyone WITH you either there, Snidely!"  (Update: turns out, Dorian is gay.  You can flirt with him if you're a girl, and he'll flirt right back, but he's definitely gay.  As in, he and Iron Bull are together.  Horny, indeed.)

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  I thought about trying the lesbian route and flirting with Sera, the rogue elf, but she's so DUMB that I can't make myself do it.  I could learn to deal with the boobs, it's just a game after all, but if I don't want to go talk to her character, nothing's going to happen.

I am now toying with the idea of just flirting with every single character that gives me an option, guy or girl, gay or straight.  Maybe some of these options will get better, or maybe someone will show up who hasn't yet! I'm not giving up hope that my perfect Inquisition love is out there still, waiting for me.