The Fangirl Freebie Five

My “freebie” list poses pretty much no danger to my husband and I’s relationship.  Lots of people have these lists -- those five people you can sleep with, guilt-free, should the opportunity arise -- and in my experience, most of them seem to be like mine: a fun conversation, but not real in terms of actual sex occurring.  I know I’d be pissed if Bishop slept with anyone else, Scarlett Johansson or otherwise, freebie list or otherwise, and I imagine he’d feel about the same.  

In theory, I supposed he could feel threatened, like I was out trolling for some celebrity, or like I’m trying to suggest he get in better shape or something via a girl trap.  

However, that risk is pretty low considering my list is populated entirely by fictional characters.  

So, thanks to extensive thought and research, I present my “freebie five,” in no particular order. 

1. Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings. 

Ah, Aragorn! I do love this man (and I don’t just mean the Viggo Mortensen version from the movies).  He’s such a great character! So independent and mysterious as Strider, the Ranger from the North, and so dark – his world is quietly adventure-filled, lived in the shadows but dripping with potential for greatness.  And when he starts to take control of his destiny… that hesitation he displays, like he knows what he’s meant for but he’s not sure he can handle it, being Isildur’s Heir, is wonderful.  He’s such a positive, empowering character – he learns to embrace his life, his fate, even as he battles the darkness settling in around (and within) him.

2. Iron Man

Let’s face it, this one is all about Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man, not the comic books.  I just love him, and if he were real, I would gladly be one of those random women he hooks up with, provided he agreed to at least wear the Iron Man mask (the rest might be a little …restrictive).  I’m not normally that kind of person in my real life, but I do adore his self-centered quips and crazy antics. He’s not marriage material – sorry, Pepper Potts! – but just once, for fun? Done. 

3. Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock, love of my fictional life! While Sherlock Holmes in almost any form is on the list here, my top choice would have to be the Benedict Cumberbatch iteration.  Benedict Cumberbatch himself should very possibly be on this list too… hm….

Um... yum. That's all I've got to say. 

4.  Malcolm Reynolds, captain of the Firefly Serenity

I’ve thought about swapping out Mal for the man himself, Nathan Fillion, since I love him as Rick Castle too, but I don’t think there’s a lot of potential there.  I’d be willing to if I thought it was a legit possibility (in as much as any of this is ‘legit’), but I’ve met Nathan Fillion in a haze of glorious nerd-gasms, and sadly, the opportunity did not arise.  So I’m sticking with Mal, because the fictional possibilities are more fun to plunder than the sad reality that it’s not going to happen with Fillion. 

Can we talk about this smirk? Please tell me we can talk about this smirk. 

5. … I had trouble thinking of #5. 

The space was blank for a long time as I pondered the choices. 

My first thought is to put Garrus from Mass Effect on there, or Cullen from Dragon Age: Inquisition, but I absolutely cannot pick between those two, so they’re both out.  Bishop would understand and let me have both, if it came to that :)  

I think he’d understand about Alistair too, so he’s also out.  In fictional terms, I’ve already “done it” with these characters due to how Bioware writes their games, so I guess none of them belong on the list in the first place.  But if I start second-guessing the creation of a freebie list with fictional characters, this is all going to fall apart, so I’m not going to pick at that thread.  

I wondered too if Hellsing’s Alucard belongs on this list, given my desperate love for all his vampire glory. But deep down… Alucard scares the shit outta me.  He is straight-up terrifying, and as much as I love him, I don’t think that’s the way I’d want this “freebie” to go down. 

I’ve already written about how Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood is now wildly inappropriate due to our age differences, so I won’t rehash that here. 

I also considered Chris Pine as Captain Kirk in the Star Trek reboot, and I have to say, I almost got stuck there.  He’s a great character, born from decades of backstory and canon to draw upon, and I think Chris Pine doesn’t get nearly the acting credit he deserves either.  His character has so much depth, despite his shield of immaturity and humor, that he is someone I could definitely get behind. Or under, as the case may be ;) 

However, after much deliberation, I have to say that my #5 is actually Thorin Oakenshield, as played exclusively by Richard Armitage.  Just…. Mm, just yum.  I’ve got little else driving this point other than pure lust, seeing as Oakenshield as a character can be rather despicable at times (despite his noble intentions).  But Armitage as him, with that deep thrumming voice, blue eyes, and long hair… that just does things for me. 

Look at the BURN in those eyes… and his hair, oh how I love his hair.

Upon reviewing this list, I’m not sure my husband legitimately has much to worry about.  Say, by some beautiful miracle, all these guys were real and actual possibilities… *long pause while I bask in the amazing of that universe* All these guys have something, some characteristic, in common with my wonderful husband, and so I still have trouble seeing anything really happening. 

Sherlock, Thorin, Mal, and Aragorn all have the dark hair and blue eyes that my husband has.  Mal, Iron Man, and Sherlock all have that touch of humor I love so much about him. Thorin, Mal, and Aragorn all have that insane loyalty that tells me my husband would go to the ends of the earth for me.  Iron Man has that playful edge that makes my husband a perfect fit for me, and Sherlock, though way too smart, has the same kind of crazy intelligence that means my husband and I can argue about pointless theoretical topics for hours at a time, bickering all the while. 

And most of my back-ups have something too – Alucard may be too intense and Elric may be too young, but Kirk is adventurous and just a little bit nuts, Garrus is devoted and sexy to a fault, Alistair is sarcastic and hilarious and snuggle-able, and Cullen is careful and serious and faithful to the cause. 

What it boils down to is that I love my husband for being human, which means that, even though I’d love to mentally play with the possibilities, none of my freebie five could quite measure up.

Alistair does have some serious abs though…. Maybe Bishop can work on that ;)