Edward Elric: A Fangirl's Dilemma

I first developed a crush on Edward Elric when I was about 16.

Back then, when Ed and I were approximately the same age, his being animated was no boundary to our love.  I read the manga religiously, watched the anime on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim as often as I could, and kept my Fullmetal Alchemist calendar hung up long after the year changed over.  The series contained so many interesting, well-developed characters that I pretty much developed a new crush every time I opened the manga up -- for a long time, far longer than I want to admit, I even slept on a Roy Mustang pillowcase.

sleeping with Roy all night long... ;)

As I started college, FMA gradually slipped out of my life.  One week I was reading the manga, the next I couldn't locate the latest issue in my tiny college town, and soon I'd forgotten all about it.

Until a month ago, when I picked up Attack on Titan.  Instantly, with the addition of anime to my 'recently watched' list, Netflix flooded me with options, and Fullmetal Alchemist caught my eye -- this time though, it was FMA: Brotherhood, a re-make of the original anime that followed the manga exactly.  It sure didn't take long for me to get hooked again.

You'll have to look up the plot basics if you aren't familiar with it.  It's too complicated to explain quickly.  

What I quickly realized is that now that I'm an adult -- complete with job, mortgage, and husband -- having a serious fan-girl crush on Edward Elric is .... almost gross.  I mean, he's 15, maybe 17 by the end of the show! I'm almost 26! Ed might still be drawn as damn sexy, with his chiseled physique and earnest smile, but now he's a child compared to my adult.  I am so not cool with this; if I was Winry, as I remember picturing myself back during Round 1 of this obsession, I'd be in some serious trouble.

It doesn't help that he still has the "hair boner," that little piece of bang that just won't fall down with the rest of his hair.  That little blonde spike was totally adorable when I was 16, back when boners were still a hilarious and un-encountered concept.  Now that I've grown up and learned how adult and fun boners can be, I still find the hair cute, but now it had a side of "inappropriate shudder" accompanying it.

Nor does it help that my students are actually OLDER than Edward.  I teach seniors in high school -- they're usually about 17 or 18 years old -- and let me tell you, there is nothing attractive about any of them.  They're teenagers for god's sake -- they're smelly and immature and generally out of control (the girls too!).  This is not a winning age group.  But Ed, in his animated and dear-god-you're-young youth, is totally enticing.

I get it: he's animated.  They can draw him to be whatever they want -- most of the time he looks and acts like he's in his early 20s, anyway, with his ripped up arms and agile combat abilities.   Frankly, I wish they'd written him in his 20s because then I wouldn't feel so dirty for having a crush on him.

I can try to transfer my love to Roy, a more age-appropriate choice even if he's a little too intense for me.  With his being a much more subtly motivated character, he's hard to piece together and truly appreciate, so it's hard to feel connected to him.  Ed might be young and angry, but his motives are pure and his actions always geared toward good -- and deep down, I don't want to give him up.  He is an easy character to love, age difference or not, and I'll stand by him to the end.