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Wednesday, November 9, 2016

I woke up this morning to a new president...

I woke up this morning to a new president, and it wasn't who I thought it was going to be. 

This is not, by any means, a unique sentiment.  It is in fact an extremely common one, expressed and decried by many as the numbers continue to trickle in and the gap between our old world and our future continues to widen. 

Like so many others, I'm not sure what to do with this new information yet.  A great part of me wants to scream and cry and rage against the system.  Another part wants to take a hot shower and cry it out.  Another wants to fight back -- start volunteering immediately, start spending my time and energy with activities to help those I couldn't with my vote. 

Yet another, and perhaps the largest, wants to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. 

This worried me at first.  I sat on the couch and watched The Crown for much of last night, though I used "watched" loosely as most of the time I was anxiously hitting 'refresh' on my phone's browser.  All that time, I couldn't think of anything except, "Oh my god, what do we do if Clinton loses? If Trump wins?" 

 And today I'm finding that what I want to do is sit on the couch and wait until the horrible, sinking reality of our future sinks in. 

After pondering this feeling for a while, I realized what it is, and the reality shook me almost as much as the election itself. 

It's grief. 

Last year I lost a student, and the feeling that's settled over me now is so like what I went through in the days that followed the news.  It's not the same burning, tearing, heart-wrenching grief of the first days, when it first happened and I spent all my time trying to take care of everyone left behind.  No, this isn't as sharp, as deep. 

It is instead the numbing kind of grief that lingers in the back of my mind, in my heart.  The kind that makes the world seem unreal, like this can't really be happening. 

That's why I want to just sit and do nothing.  Then things can pass over me without my having to exert any effort toward anything, and instead I can try to understand this enormous, world-changing news. 

And just like grief, it's not going anywhere. 

I still remember when I learned that the world was not as lovely as I thought.  Like so many others, I went through my formative high school years with blinders on, immune to the deeper darkness of the world.  But college… there I learned about what happened beyond my world. 

I learned about educational systems and how to read statistics and the art of argumentation.  I learned about the history of democracy, the systemic racism that undermines our country's basic tenets, and the myriad of ways the world fights to keep people down, and angry.  I learned about system change, how hard it is to accomplish and why it is so necessary to try. 

Many in the country would call this the institutional liberalization of young people.  I do not.
There is space in the world for more than one worldview to be right.  I have difficulty agreeing with any politicking, argumentation, or otherwise that suggests differently. 

In learning about all the ways that we as a nation have tried to keep those less fortunate condemned to their part, I also learned about many of the issues that Trump supporters claim as their standing:  the hatred of political correctness, the anti-establishment sentiment, the inherent distrust of career politicians.   I understand why people across the country felt the need to take a stand, and I understand the desire for change. 

But there is a dark side to this desire for change, because it led us here, to the announcement of President-elect Trump. 

So I must ask this now:  Why Trump? 

I've read dozens of articles in the last several months analyzing the election.  The Wall Street implications of either candidates' election, the pros and cons of gun control, interviews with supports and detractors on both sides, empathetic pieces about Hillary's fight as a woman in politics and about Trump's lonely position at the top of the GOP: I have read them all.  What stands out now, with the stunning outcome of the election, is the defense that his supports continue to mount.

Twitter, liberal-leaning news outlets, and other forms of social media are filled with outrage over the outcome of this election.  Not just outrage -- pure hatred, in some cases -- and it is all aimed at those who elected Trump.  Who put America in this position.  Who looked at the choice between hate and progress, and bubbled in their ballots accordingly. 

I understand where they are coming from, because I too am coming from there.  I grieve for the nation we could have had under Madame President Clinton.  Hell, I grieve for what we could have had under Bernie Sanders, despite how I doubt his electability. 

But I understand the other side too.  A few months ago, the New York Times ran a fabulous article about Trump's support base, those disenfranchised people searching for someone, anyone, in Washington who cared about them.  They found him, and they clung tight, and now we see the outcome. 

Bashing them, and their decision, does little to progress change in our nation.  It instead divides us just as clearly as Trump himself, and as Lincoln once implored us, a House divided against itself cannot stand. 

Again, I must ask: Why Trump?

The desire for a Washington outsider, for someone who speaks their mind and isn't afraid to call the politicians on their bullshit, for a champion of the anti-establishment cause, is one we can all relate to.  There's no denying that that person wasn't Hillary Clinton; the case for her just isn't there. 
But neither can I let these supporters off the hook. 

Trump ran on a campaign that promoted hate from the start.  His opening campaign speech touted Mexican immigrants as rapists, and things got worse from there.  He has been openly racist, calling for poll monitoring in "urban" areas to ensure a fair election.  He has been openly misogynistic, including claiming ownership to women's bodies and suggesting that, like so many men before him, he has that right simply by being male.  He has incited violence against his opponent, invited foreign espionage and sabotage against our country, and those are just moments within his recent political career.  I have not even touched on his business dealings, nor will I for the sake of my sanity. 

When I ask why Trump, I mean it -- why, out of all the people available in the primaries, was this man the choice for a nominee, for a President?  Many of those who voted for him are upset about being named as racist, bigoted, misogynistic, and more, and I have seen them question and call out this behavior as inappropriate.  What I continually fail to understand, then, is why these same people have chosen to ally themselves with Trump in the first place. 

Basic voting advice is this: Choose the candidate who most closely aligns with your personal views. 

Why is it so wrong to worry that half of our citizens are racist, or misogynistic, or homophobic, or anything else, when they have chosen as their candidate a man who spews this rhetoric on a constant basis?

We as a country should be the shining example of peace and progress in the world.  America has been the greatest nation on the planet for many years, and I am saddened now to realize that we are living through its downfall.  At one point, Britain was the world's greatest power; it was never one event that brought them low but instead a series of smaller moments that shifted until we were in the spotlight. 

Now we watch as the spotlight starts to fade, and wonder what happened.  We shout at each other instead of standing strong.  We could be a great country again, but minimizing our own citizens is not the way to do it.  We become great by lifting everyone up, not by choosing only the parts of the speech we want to hear and denying the rest matters. 

Change is coming. 

It is likely not the change we truly want. 

Perhaps there will be more hope, more inclusion, in the future than Trump's campaign suggests. The part of me that deeply, desperately understands the desire for a change of the establishment remains hopeful that this is possible, despite all the evidence to the contrary. 

But it is hard to watch the disappointment on my students' faces.  They are coming to grips with the world as we turn a potentially dark corner.  They do not see hope; they see devastation.  They see a world where their Muslim friends are scared of being ousted, where their LGBTQ+ classmates don't know where they stand, where their white peers brag about the defeat of a woman who has devoted her life to public service.  They see darkness where there should be light. 

I cannot bear to watch them give up.  The force for change, for good, still exists in the world.  We can make great change, and in doing so, we can make America great again.  I don't know that I'll ever understand why so many seem to think Trump is the answer to that equation, but I know that the grief will pass.  In time, we will fight again, and we will be smarter, stronger, for it. 

It is up to us to rebuild the house Lincoln spoke of, to put our country back together the way we want the future to look. 

So cry it out.  Scream, and shout, and grieve in front of Netflix, and when you are done, when I am done, when the reality of our future has sunk in, stand up.  Keep going.  Question the system that perpetuates racism, misogyny, and every other ugly bigotry.  Push those who wanted to vote Trump and then sit back, their job somehow finished as if they are absolved of responsibility for who they put in office, to explain their thinking, to face the reality they've created. 

When the darkness hits them too, they will be all the more devastated by it because they thought they were fighting back.  The people who right now appear our enemies in fact need our empathy more than anything.  We need everyone to change the world, not just those who agree. 

It's a long, hard fight ahead of our nation, and we don't yet know if we have a President who will actually lead us to change.  The one thing that never changes about politicians is the giving of promises that go unfulfilled.  I have trouble believing that that, of all things, will change now. 
I must abide by what Hillary Clinton said in her concession speech.  We do indeed owe President-elect Trump the chance to lead. 

But we cannot wait and see what happens -- we have to be the force for good in the world, no matter if he is our nation's greatest president, or our worst. 


We can do this.  Be the light, be the change, and don't give up.  Even if it takes years, it will be forever worth it to try.  

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